We delve into the what, why, and how of unplugged weddings.
Navigating the era of smartphones and social media, Daniel and Danielle explore the delicate balance between capturing memories and living in the moment. Get insights on implementing unplugged ceremonies with finesse and ensuring everyone feels included.
00:00
Hey, Ringers, welcome to the Put A Ring On It podcast where we are all about sharing helpful and practical tips for anyone and everyone that is planning a wedding. Hi, I'm Daniel Moyer, photographer behind Daniel Moyer Photography. And I'm Danielle Pasternak, wedding planner of DPNAK Events. What are we talking about today, Dan? Today we're talking about the what, the why, and the how of unplugged weddings.
00:38
Okay, so the what, why and how of unplugged weddings. I mean, if you're if you're like, we've had other episodes on this. But I still feel like this is something that it's just here to stay. And I don't know, maybe this should have this should have been on our, our wedding trends thing that's like wedding trends that are here to stay. But these are still so important because I don't know, I think there's a lot of confusion around like, how to implement it. Is it an unplugged ceremony? Is it unplugged?
01:08
wedding, like what's the deal, blah, blah, blah. So let's just start with the simple question. What does unplugged mean? Well, I mean, I think we live in a world and generation where even if you go out to eat, you look around and everybody, especially if you're like waiting for something, waiting for takeout, waiting for something, you are, you look around and everybody's got their head down in a phone. Let's not say everybody, a lot of people have their head down into a phone. Phones and devices are very much attached to us. They're very personal. They're
01:37
people will go back home for their phone if they've left it, right? They're just things that are attached to us. So when it comes to weddings, there is a term called unplugged, where if you say we're having an unplugged ceremony, we're having unplugged wedding, the idea is that we want everybody to kind of keep their phones away and just be really present in the moment.
01:59
We as the couple have hired professionals to document the day. You don't have to do that. You don't have to be, you know, have your phone out taking photos of us walking down the aisle or kissing or doing any of those things. We just want you to enjoy it with your two eyeballs, not looking at a screen. Hmm, okay. So is there, so I think the most common one that I see is unplugged ceremony, right? Have you seen an unplugged wedding, like a whole wedding where it's like no go?
02:24
Not necessarily. I'm sure it can be a thing. There's certainly, you know, in certain worlds where it's, you know, the phone gets kind of put away with security and tucked away until the event is over, if it's a really high security event. But overall, I think the most important part is when the ceremony is happening, because if you spent any bit of time on Instagram or Tiki Talk, as they call it, you know, you see the photos of that photographer share.
02:52
where they're trying to capture a person walking down the aisle and there's 17 cameras also in the aisle. And it just takes... 17 phones in the aisle, not cameras. Right, right, right. Exactly. Yeah, 17 phones in the aisle who are better trying to act as photographers taking pictures. And it kind of takes away from the moment for a lot of people. And I think it's that's kind of the most solemn.
03:14
quote unquote, serious part of the day. And I think that's the thing that they want to be present for. If people want to take photos while, you know, someone's dancing or doing whatever, then it becomes a little bit less intrusive than it when it's at the ceremony. But there's definitely both. It just depends on what you want. Let's stay on this for a little bit, because this is like sort of the why, right? Like, why would you, why do you want to ban phones when right now, like we're all on social media, we want like the social footprint and that social proof of our wedding happened. And so.
03:43
handsome. I'm so pretty. Like this is my dress. Like here's pictures of all my people. You know, why would want to ban phones for a ceremony or whatever? When like it seems like that's what like, did the wedding even happen if it wasn't on Instagram? Right? Yes. That's like the receipt that the thing happened. Not the marriage license. It's the photos from everybody there. Right? No, it's a fair thought. I think it depends on your personality. I tend to be...
04:12
of the genre that I tend to take way less photos and videos than other partners or parents or whatever it is. I really like being in the moment and enjoying it that way. I don't need to take a photo of the thing I had for dinner. I can just enjoy it and be like, that was really beautiful and really tasty and I can move on. I don't wish I had a photo of it. There's other people. I have one of my very best friends. She's a little bit younger than me and anywhere we go to eat, the food comes in.
04:41
she takes the picture of it. And we joke because that's just the cutoff of a different generation. But it's different. That and younger is the generations that are getting married right now. So I feel like I have a hard time speaking to that sincerely, though I do feel like if I think back to other events in my life or things that I've done, I like the idea of getting to see it in action, like the day after or the night of or seeing what it was.
05:10
the immediacy of it feels really fun and good as opposed to having to wait a few weeks like you will with your photographer videographer team like that's natural that it's going to take time for those things to, you know, become ready for you to view. So I get that that's fun too. I think, I don't know, what are your thoughts? It's subjective, right? Like it just is what it is. Have you seen the I mean, one of the new things is content creators, like you hire somebody to like walk around basically with your phone and you get
05:38
hundreds of videos and thousands of pictures sort of like right at the end of the day. And they're not, you know, it's, I think there's some uproar in the photography world about it. But like, because you have to like, work with somebody or alongside somebody who's not a professional, and they're just walking around with a phone, but like, I think it'll actually make things easier. If you just have this one person who's walking around, like, you know, snapping things, and if they're working on the same team as you, I think that's fine. Because what I what I think will allow is for
06:07
hopefully, if you say like, oh, we've got like a photographer, a videographer, and this content creator, maybe you don't have to rely so much on, or you'll feel better about saying, hey, wedding guests, why don't you at the ceremony not do any kind of phones or whatever we want you fully present, you know, to just enjoy that not seeing everything on the back of a screen. And then there's also going to be social proof of it later. So you kind of get both worlds, and the professional side of things too.
06:34
Also, think about any time you've done family photos. More often than not, there's a bunch of people there. How many times are those not in the photo standing off to your shoulder a little bit with their phone out saying, like, oh, and you're like, no, no, no, look here first. And then we'll get those other photos. If you have more of that content creator position in place, they can kind of work a little bit more ideally professionally, but a little bit more efficiently with the photographer.
07:01
to know that there's not a bunch of cameras, a bunch of phones, you know, all these different things that people have to look at. The photographer can do their thing. They can get that. And then that content creator can send out those images to you and you can send them to mom, grandma, whoever it was that was wanting that photo. And then it's, everybody's kind of happy. Nobody feels like they have to have their phone so that they can have their little piece of it. Cause honestly, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do that.
07:20
I get it. I think sometimes there's almost this guilt factor that if you are, let's say you're a bridesmaid in the wedding, if you don't have your phone out that morning documenting like the getting ready and how beautiful is the bride, are you really her friend? Like, oh my gosh. Right? Versus just like, I don't know what, let me get you a mimosa. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry? Let's get a bagel. Those are the things that like, I think make you a good, right? Like, of course it's like food and drinks, right? That I'm like, I'm thirsty and I need a snack. That's what makes a good friend.
07:49
It's those things, right? And I think it's hard. As a parent, I deal with that. If I'm not documenting something that the kiddo is doing, because I just want to enjoy it, oh shoot, does that mean that, does it look like I don't care that he's doing this cool thing? Oh, I care very, very much. That's tricky. Yeah, it's like, I just wanna be part of it. Yeah, I just wanna be in it. I wanna be lost in it. I don't know. Maybe that's like, content creators are just like,
08:15
call like hire a friend. And it's just like, here's my friend who's walking around with a phone all day. And and that's like, Hey, for my wedding gift. Will you instead of getting us a gift? Can you do this for me? Yeah, great. Right. And like, you're great at that thing. Can you do that thing? Yeah, I don't know. I love it. Okay. So all right. So there's that part of it sort of like the why and I think that's really a soul searching thing that everybody has to just be like, Okay, I want everybody present. I don't want to have to deal with the
08:44
phones and all that stuff at the ceremony. Yeah, actually I want to interrupt you because I also want to say that I think that there are some couples that think that they need to have an unplugged ceremony without really diving into why or what it's about. It's one of those trendy things that you see a lot on Pinterest or on Instagram or whatever it is. And I would say that do it if it makes sense to you. If not, don't worry about it.
09:08
as a thing. Like if it's something that you really don't care about, don't do it. I think sometimes people just do it because they think they have to. But anyway, I interrupt you. Go ahead. Yeah, all good. Yeah, I think it's just subjective. And you have to do a little soul searching to sort of think like, is this really important to me or not? And then if you say like, yes, I, I just want everybody to be there and with us and not have to deal with the phones or anybody stepping in the aisle or whatever that is all the I should really say though, like, yes, those horror stories like that happens to me regularly. But it's not
09:38
that often. And maybe I just have really good couples or, you know, maybe the people are just not super into like, all the wedding guests that I have are not super into like having their phone out for the aisle. Like, there's some, but it's only like maybe 10% of weddings. I don't know is that do you see that? Do you see it a lot at weddings? I don't make a note of it because when that
10:01
person goes down the aisle, there's 75 things going through my head. And that's not usually because I can't do anything. Like I can't do anything about it at that point. So it's that's my head's not really there. Well, there's all there's also a cultural thing about this where I photographed a traditional Chinese ceremony tea ceremony, the whole thing. And the couple, you know, changed from their typical Western outfit of white dress with bride and a
10:29
suit for the groom to I don't I can't remember what the actual terms are. It was like these two red outfits and whatever. So, you know, it's two different traditions there. And I think it all everybody had their their devices out right now that just was so ingrained in it. And they were all sharing and everybody's taking pictures and there's lots of family pictures and they're having me take lots of family pictures. But there was just so deeply ingrained in in what they were doing. They were all on phones and they were all taking pictures. I think that's just a way that they express their love and excitement.
10:59
that they're taking those pictures and sending them to friends and all that kind of stuff. So, you know, that's got to be something that's wrapped up in it as well is, you know, what are the cultural significances of, you know, doing a unplugged wedding or whatever, but right. Okay, last thing, as we sort of like maybe transition into. So now that we have seen these, how have you seen them implemented? And what are some maybe some best practices for
11:26
letting people know that they should put their phones down and just be present and that kind of stuff in sort of a tactful, nice way. Right? Let me just let me just add that little caveat on the end there. Can you make this not sound like you're a jerk? Yeah, get your phones out of here. I think signage is what most people will see and think as the like we will do this thing where it's everybody you know, as guests arriving to the ceremony, it's welcome to our wedding.
11:54
We've opted to have an unplugged ceremony, so please put your phones away. On the whole, those are really pretty and fun to design, and no one listens to those things. I was gonna say the same thing. Nobody listens to them. Nope. They just kind of, I don't know if they just glance over it. I will say no one is paying attention to the details of your wedding.
12:19
anywhere near as close as you are. So it's not often by whatever. Think of any restaurant you go to. Did you read every sign on the door when you walked in? Probably not, right? You were like, is this the restaurant I have my reservations at? Yes, I'm going through the store. You're not looking at the many other signage that they have on the door. So you can kind of think of it like that. That doesn't mean you don't love that restaurant. It just means you didn't read all the signs on the door. So the unplug ceremony sign kind of works the same way. You can still do it if you wanna have the pretty thing. I think that's...
12:48
all fair and well. But what I found to work well is to have the person who's officiating the ceremony before anybody officially walks in, before the persons come down the aisle is to have the officiant make an announcement. And it doesn't need to be, hello everyone, please put your phones away, let's start. It could be everybody welcome, I'm so and so I'm going to be officiating today. We're so excited. Just wait till you see how beautiful our couple is. Before we get started.
13:17
just a few things. The couple has opted to do an unplugged ceremony. They really want you to be present in this moment. Put your phones away and let's have a good thing. And I'm going to put an asterisk at the end of that and we'll come back to this thing in a second. But when we're ready to begin, all right, let's begin. And then everybody comes in. And now suddenly it's like the principal or the teacher or the person in charge has told you, don't you take your phone out.
13:41
And they will listen to that person more often than that. Sometimes, and I still say like, if grandma still whips out her phone, grandma's gonna whip out her phone regardless. Like it's totally fine. But for the most part, you're gonna get most of the people to listen to that request, especially when it's attached in such a beautiful way as to why we're doing it. We're not just saying we don't want you to put us on Instagram, we don't want this. It's no, we really, this moment is really important to us. This is the moment that matters the most to us. You're here because you matter most to us. And we want you to look at us with your eyeballs.
14:09
and not be worried about your phone or recording or holding up a device. Yep. Love it. Asterisk. What I think as my asterisk, yes, sometimes people still want to get it out of their system, right? So that officiant can say, when the couple enters, we're going to pause for a moment, the couple is going to look beautiful and you're going to have 30 seconds to take out your phone and snap.
14:35
as many pictures as you want. They'll do silly things. We could like make it look like they're like doing things to give you, we can do whatever we want or the couple can just stand there and look beautiful. And then you'll get the photo and then we're going to put it away. And then we're going to all be in this moment together. This way, you still get the like receipts for the gram. You still get the photo, but it's one condensed moment where everybody is kind of doing the thing with intention and then it's all getting put away. I love that. And I like that. I really, I think that's a great way to kind of...
15:05
check off both boxes and make everybody happy. You're saying we're gonna do it, we're gonna make a good plan to do it, we're gonna look gorgeous. And then we're going to do this really important thing that means a lot to us. Yeah. Sands phones. I love that one. I see that quite a bit. We're like, you know, they the efficient makes a announcement in the beginning, the couple walks down and they're standing there and it's like, okay, everybody get out your phone now. You've got a minute. And so like I had a wedding in I did a wedding in New Mexico earlier this year.
15:32
And the ceremony was like on the side of a cliff look with this like 70 mile view was beautiful. And everybody wants that picture. Everybody wants the picture of the couple standing there underneath their beautiful flower arch and all that stuff. But the couple was like, No, no, no, you're here with us. You've traveled to the middle of the desert. So they did that they literally played the Vogue song. And the couple like dance for a second. It was silly and everybody got their phones out. And then they put them away. And it was such a beautiful moment. But they listened.
16:01
to the efficient. You said it right. They listen to the efficient. There might have been a sign. I don't even remember if there was a sign. I probably should know that. Yeah. It can go in the program too. My point is that some people will read it. Some people are rule followers and they will say, you got it. Yes, ma'am. Other people won't see it at all. They won't even clock it. They'll be talking to the person next to them and next thing you know, they're pulling out their phone. If it matters to you that much, then that might be enough to be like,
16:29
I didn't want that. And then suddenly you're, you know, you're out of the head space. You're out of where you want to be as that person who's, you know, marrying your partner. So yeah, to me, the officiant announcing it is really the best way to go. Also I don't, it can't be, not to say it can't be. Sometimes people say like, well, what if the DJ announces it, right? If the DJ is playing our music, I don't listen to them because that person is usually tucked away in the side somewhere or they're in the back. Unless that person walks up to the middle.
16:58
of that altar at that microphone and is like, people, we're gonna do a thing. We're gonna listen to the rules. We're not gonna make these people mad. And then we're gonna party later. That to me is like the best, most loveliest way to do it. Man, so I'm thinking that my friend Russ Hickman, who's a very gregarious, funny guy, his couple, one of his couples had him do it where he like walked up and he's got an...
17:26
a real I think on his Instagram of him like walking up and he's so funny. He like walks up he's like, Listen, you beautiful people, you're all beautiful. We want to see your beautiful faces and your sexy outfits and all this stuff. And he was just like, really hamming it up. And he's like, and I'm going to get the pictures of you all crying single tears when they walk down the aisle or whatever. And it takes a special kind of person to do that. But you know, like, they all listened to him and everybody was laughing along and stuff. But I think
17:54
Yes, I think having that person to draw everybody's attention and say this is what we're going to do. This is why we're doing it. And then you can play your phones later. Love it. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Okay. Any final thoughts on unplugged weddings, Daniel? No, I just think everybody should do what feels good to them and not what they think they need to do because of x, y or z crushed it crushed it. Put a ring on a podcast is co hosted by wedding planner Danielle Pasternak and photographer Daniel Moyer, both based out of the greater Philadelphia area.
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This show is produced by DPNAK Events along with Daniel Moyer Photography. Find us on Instagram at Put A Ring On It Podcast. And don't forget to rate, review and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Finally, thank you so much for all of your messages, love and support. We are and have always been cheering you every step of the way. Until next time, Ringers.